It's hard to imagine him surviving this debacle. But, hey, it was hard to imagine Larry Craig finding the nerve to continue serving the Republican "values voters" of Idaho after his botched attempt to procure gay sex in a bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International airport, some 3 years after allegedly taking Washington DC's Union Station perhaps a bit too literally and engaging in oral sex there with a 40-year-old professional man with close ties to Republican officials. It was hard to imagine Marion Barry winning re-election as mayor of Washington, DC after being caught on camera smoking crack with former girlfriend and FBI informant Rasheeda Moore, the "bitch" that "set him up." Shoot, it was hard to picture President Clinton having the cojones to provide close, personal, hands-on attention to a 21-year-old White House intern while he was under investigation for the Paula Jones sexual harassment suit, and then look America in the eye and argue that the Lewinsky relations were not sexual. Please.
Obviously, my imagination isn't up to the task at hand anymore. This has become fantasy world. These guys have clearly stepped through the looking glass.
That being said, let's get back to the current fiasco. Governor Spitzer was allegedly a repeat customer of the Emperor's Club, an exclusive team of working girls providing cultured relief to men of substance throughout the U.S. and Europe. How cultured, you ask? Your top earners, at the seven-diamond level, commanded upwards of $5,500 per hour!
To put that in perspective, Stuart Appleby is a member of the Professional Golfers' Association. He just finished tied for 10th place in their tournament last week in Palm Harbor, Florida. For his week's worth of work, he earned $127,200 or about $5,500 per hour. Appleby is #19 in the world rankings. Think about that. There are only eighteen men in the world better than Appleby at what he does and he makes about what Spitzer pays his hookers. The slogan for the PGA Tour is, "These Guys Are Good." The Emperor's Club motto should be, "These Girls Are Great." 'Cause there are a lot more women out there who can do what Spitzer's paying for than there are guys who can tee it up with Stuart Appleby. And many of those women will beat Emperor's price, too. My point is, these escorts must really have some skills.
Anyway, the knee-jerk reaction is to demand Spitzer's head on a stick. Kick his hypocritical ass out the door and hope that's the last we hear from him, right? Pundits and columnists are champing at the bit to slap a big, red "A" on Albany's own Hester Prynne.
Well, hang on for just one second here. Maybe we're missing the forest for the sleaze.
There was another story that ran today, with little fanfare in the wake of the Spitzer scandal. A study by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 1 in 4 teenage girls nationally has a sexually transmitted disease. That's over three million afflicted young women. Only around half of the girls included in the study admitted to having sex which means that nearly half of all sexually active teenage girls have evidence of an STD.
Where does the governor of New York fit in all of this? Well, you'll recall that he seems willing to pay handsomely for an exercise that, when done right, can admittedly seem magical. But, let's face it, he could probably hop in the back of his limo and cruise the streets of Manhattan for an hour and find a comparable substitute on most any street corner for a fraction of the cost. So why the outrageous premium?
The answer may lie buried in the transcripts from the wiretapped conversation between one of the escorts Spitzer hired and her booker. He tells her that Client 9 (Spitzer) sometimes wants his women, "to do things that, like, you might not think were safe." For those of you living in Utah, that means he prefers his entertainment without protection, prophylactically speaking. Skin to skin, as it were. And he was obviously willing to pay for it.
Well, now he has. His hedonistic hubris threatens to destroy his reputation, his career and his life. But, I say, why not look at this as an opportunity to make some lemonade? Here we are, faced with a nation of impressionable young girls, many of them obviously in need of a role model. Unhappily, many of these youngsters have already contracted an STD through the practice of unsafe, unprotected sexual activities. What better use of his bully pulpit than for Governor Spitzer to crisscross the state of New York this spring, preaching on the dangers of sexual irresponsibility? In some cases, it can cause chlamydia. In others, it could lead to impeachment. As he hones his message he could expand his journey throughout the tri-state area over the summer. By this fall he could conceivably have covered all of New England, like the autumnal foliage, in his own personal Shame and Redemption Tour. Outside of Christmas morning, there's nothing we Americans enjoy so much as the chance to do some forgiving.
Come on, Governor. Let's turn that frown upside-down. Make this something we can all learn from. You know . . . for the kids.
(I do have just one last question, though, before we put this little incident behind us. Remember the prostitute, Kristen, whose booker told her Spitzer liked it dangerous? Well, her response in that situation was, "listen dude, do you really want the sex?" Dude? For $5,500 an hour I'd at least expect, "Big Boy." Or, "Sugar Daddy." Maybe, "Hot Stuff." But Dude? C'mon, Kristen. Show a little respect. That's our governor you're talking about).
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